Last time I wrote about happiness, but looking at it from the internal mentality approach. This time I look at it from the external factors approach. A while back Times wrote an article on the science of happiness where they investigated what motivates happiness in us. I read it, added my own ideas, and summed it in 5 points (no silly greek letters this time. But next time…).
I knew it! electrons were happy, protons were sad.
1) It’s not about getting what you want.
A dream vacation, success, the car of envy, we often don’t know what we want to be happy. The 5 year old cries for the lollipop, but you know this only satisfies temporarily. Defining happiness “I need this to be happy” or “Happiness is when these things happen” you will deprive yourself of it. You don’t actually NEED anything to be happy. Satisfying our desires does just that–it satisfies the desire. Instead, happiness is about satisfying the soul.
2) It’s not about being rich or having a lot of stuff.
American is the land of the dream, the land of 2 cars, 2 kids, 2 houses. Yet why are people depressed and suicide rates lower in poorer nations? Property and ownership isn’t a very happy philosophy. In fact it could add more worries to your life. Carrying around a lot of desires isn’t good heart health either.
3) It’s not about how people see you.
Having friends is important, but not the opinions of thousands who will never interact with you. Makeup, clothing, brand names, hairstyles may improve our self-image, but again it’s the interaction that matters. On the other hand, being too concerned about one’s appearance or social status can pile more concerns on a life already filled with them.
4) It’s not about having no problems.
As a matter of a fact, some problems can be healthy. If everything’s flatly A-OK and life is about the pursuit of pleasure people will probably be pretty miserable. Having some purpose or doing something meaningful will add to your life. The spice of life keeps you alert and appreciative of the good times when they come.
5) It’s not about you.
When you’re the most important thing in your life it becomes sadder. For some reason human beings are just defined to be greater than ourselves, finding happiness in others and goodness beyond.
Of course despite all we'll find ourselves unhappy at times. But that's nothing to be afraid of, we'll go out and greet it face to face!
So what does influence happiness?
Fullness- Doing meaningful things throughout the day, french frying on the potato couch not included. It could be physical, like playing outside or work, or mental, like creating stories or imagination.
Community- Or rather being with people in a relational way. A unified loving family could be community, a group of close friends could be community, an entire village could be community, or all the above. Basically it’s being together with a group of people you know, playing together, working together, endeavoring through life together.
Disposition- This is about being not easily troubled and holding less worries to your heart. If you don’t take life too seriously (in a good way), it can’t hurt you as bad. Being too intent on worries, goals, events, money, and expectations can be stressful. Things that are and things that happen do not necessarily HAVE to be unhappy. Often times we define our unhappiness by thinking we are unhappy. Be carefree, and mind more of the good things of life. Ignorance is bliss only when you can’t overcome what you once ignored.
Optimism- A slight [unneeded?] distinction from the above, this refers to resilience from one’s woes and a general internal mentality. It’s about keeping your head up because you can and want to do it despite what everything around you is telling. And a good sense of humor is always uplifting.
Meaning- The iconic philosophical question dealt many times before, “What’s the meaning of life?” I won’t answer it, but whatever it is, it’s important. But the thing is, though it’s not the same thing for everyone, there seems to be some universal truth to the whole meaning question. Helping people, having a purpose, doing good, what you think about the world, about life, just like caring about things that don’t matter is stressful, caring about things that do matter enriches one’s life.
post note: Actually I would prefer the term ‘joy’ to ‘happiness’ because it better expresses its mentality and mind. Maybe ‘happiness’ has just been used too much in too many contexts.
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